i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize