Duck Duck Cougar?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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