I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am midnight drunk by noon
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
