Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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