I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
