Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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