Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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