The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
