Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
