NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
