I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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