How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
