atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
