sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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