She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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