I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize