And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found puke in my bra..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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