12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
