actually, I'm a sock model
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
