Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
