Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
