guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
