getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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