Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
