Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
