Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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