my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize