so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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