the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
