I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
