Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
