If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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