9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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