ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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