i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
