there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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