Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
someone owes me an orgasm
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
