when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
