Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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