Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
