He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
