mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
