Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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