I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
