EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
