My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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