Sponge bath it is.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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