i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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