i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
