life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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