Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
