just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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