woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
