Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Randomize
