i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
