i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your penis caused this!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
