bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
