i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
