Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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