Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
