i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
