So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
