it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
