he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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