LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
