Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize