Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
