me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
